Wednesday, November 30, 2011

Quick Takes - The Club Card conundrum

Dude, even I have a Club Card.

If someone came up to you on the street and offered you free money, would you take it? No questions asked, no strings attached, just here you go, sir, here's $10. Of course you would. Everyone would. So that's what makes what happened at the grocery store yesterday so goddamn frustrating to me. I was standing in line, waiting for the guy in front of me to check out. The cashier asked him if he had a QFC Club Card, a card that lets you save money on items you've purchased, and he said no. He said no as casually as you could say no, and he paid his bill and left.

I stood there flummoxed. How could you just say no and walk away? It's free. You barely have to give any personal information to get one. And you literally save money. Every single time I've bought something at the grocery store, I've saved money using my club card. I like to play a really fun grocery store game to try to see if I can save more money than the total purchase price after discounts. I've only done it twice so far, but the allure of finding the biggest discounts is intoxicating. Why wouldn't you want that?!

Based on what he was buying, he wasn't just randomly stopping by a secondary grocery store, and there aren't many grocery stores around other than that one, so he clearly shops at that specific store often enough to warrant a card. So why not get a card?! What's wrong with you?! Just get a card! If you're trying to "live off the grid," you wouldn't be shopping at a neighborhood grocery store in the first place, you'd be farming vegetables and raising alpaca for their wool and delicious meat. So just give them your phone number, and take their free money. Hell, just type in a random phone number, and if it doesn't work, just tell the cashier, "Weird, I don't know what's wrong," and then he'll type some code into the register and you'll save money that way. Just do something. Please. For the love of god.

  • Tim Tebow was asked by head coach John Fox to address his team before the Broncos game against the Chargers on Sunday. And Tebow, like any good Christian, decided not to speak from the heart, but to let the Bible speak for him and chose a verse from the Proverbs section: "Iron sharpens iron, so one man sharpens another." It's not a bad proverb for a pre-game speech, but I think he should've gone with something a little spicier, like this African proverb: "Blind belief is dangerous." - Luyia, Western Kenya.
  • A television station in Tampa Bay, WTVT, accidentally aired footage of a naked Buccaneer (an NFL player, not an actual pirate) from the waist down while interviewing offensive lineman Donald Penn in the locker room after the game on Sunday. The station has apologized for airing the footage of the unidentified player and has promised to bring in Paul McCartney to stand heavily-clothed in the background for their next interview.
  • Hey, look at this, it's actual NBA talk: The Boston Celtics appear to be doing everything they can to move Rajon Rondo, being linked with trades for Seattle Supersonics guard Russell Westbrook, New Orleans Hornets guard Chris Paul, and a yet-to-be revealed trade with the Indiana Pacers. If Boston is so eager to rid themselves of their bad attitude point guard, I think Steve Ballmer should just buy him, and 10 other players, and a renovated Key Arena, and then everyone will be happy. We can even give Boston some Microsoft stock or something. Maybe some free keychains? A copy of Kinectimals?
  • Seattle Mariners GM Jack Zduriencik, whose last name I can unfathomably spell from memory now, was suspiciously-mum when asked questions about the Mariners' pursuit of free agent slugger Prince Fielder, a player Zduriencik and co. drafted as members of the Milwaukee Brewers front office. When asked how hard the Mariners would pursue Fielder, Zduriencik said, "I don't think it's in our best interest to do that. I apologize. I wish I could tell you a little more, but I don't think it's fair for us." I think what he's trying to say to the media is: "Stop asking me questions you know I can't answer and then writing stories about my non-answers as if there's news there. Thanks."

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