Tuesday, October 18, 2011

Quick Takes - Jesus fishes

And for my next trick ...

I'm all for freedom of expression, but whatever it is that we're doing to our cars needs to stop. I saw not one, but two Jesus fish on the back of a single vehicle driving home from work. One had an American flag inside the empty spot of the fish, because apparently there are now nationally-affiliated Jesuses (plural Jesuses ... shudder). My first inclination was to shake my head with a scornful smile, but I'm a people person, I work well with the masses, so I shook my preconceptions free (immaculately) and tried to process through the mentality of the driver.

Perhaps she received the first Jesus fish, much smaller than the second, as a gift, only to be so blown away by the larger American-flag Jesus fish that she had to also include it on the back of her burgundy Nissan Murano (hot). I can see her not wanting to take down the original Jesus fish for a larger, more adorned Jesus fish, because that would be super disrespectful to her lord and savior. But she couldn't not include the American flag Jesus fish, because how badass is that. Separation of church and state? Piss off. So she went for the two-fer, and, considering the rest of her vehicle was smattered with those serial-killer-producing family stick-figure stickers (she included her cats and a fish ...) and a bumper sticker that said "Purr more, hiss less," I think the double-barreled Jesus fish rounded things out with a touch of class.

Or maybe, just maybe, she bought the American flag Jesus fish first. This is where it gets interesting. If she bought the larger fish first, that would mean, at some point in her life, she realized that she wasn't giving enough of her vehicle to Jesus and bought a second fish.

  • I tend to mock myself with self-loathing humor 99% of the day, so it's always nice to find an article that helps reinforce my shattered self-esteem. A 100-year-old man, Briton Fauja Singh, became the oldest man to complete a marathon after finishing the Toronto Waterfront Marathon in eight hours, 25 minutes, and 16 seconds. Singh, born in India and migrated to England in the '60s, took up running 11 years ago (when he was 89, for those of you who can't subtract) after his wife and son died. He trains every day by running 10 miles, and he puts his stamina down to ginger curry, tea and "being happy." He finished ahead of five other competitors, who must've died on the course.
  • Four senators from cities hosting the World Series are trying to convince the baseball players union to ban chewing tobacco at games and on TV. The senators told the head of the players union that when players use chewing tobacco, they risk their own health as well as the health of kids who are watching the games on TV. Hey, guess what? These are grown men! There shouldn't be federal oversight and wink-wink suggestions from United States senators to the players union for how they should act and police themselves. Talk about an over-extended government. It's not illegal for the players to use chewing tobacco, and if the players union or the league hasn't banned it, that's their decision, not the decision of the freaking governmentTHATHASBETTERTHINGSTODOTHANTHIS.
  • On October 4th, the NBA lockout negotiations were apparently going well until Kevin Garnett showed up. One league official said, “We were making progress, until Garnett fucked everything up.” That's an actual quote! This lockout is so awesome, and it also reconfirms what everyone already knows about Kevin Garnett.
  • The Oakland Raiders are on the verge of trading two first round picks for Bengals QB Carson Palmer, who's barely touched a football in the last two years since his knee injury. This just days after Al Davis' death? And two weeks away from Halloween? The crypt-keeper lives!
  • Perusing the NHL headlines of the day and I'm noticing a trend: Jason Blake to miss three months; Doughty out 7-10 days with upper body injury; Carter has hairline crack in foot; Tyler Kennedy has head injury ... I'm starting to think hockey is a bit violent.
  • New York Knicks forward Amare Stoudemire said in an interview that Ronny Turiaf and Boris Diaw are the smelliest guys in the NBA. That stereotype about French people sure puts up a fight, huh?

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