Wednesday, October 12, 2011

Quick Takes - Ding Dong

Aaaaaahhhhhhhh! I love the Food Network!

I have a great idea for a TV show on the Food Network. One of the main problems with being a home chef is that you rarely have the right ingredients to make a splendid, home-cooked meal. And the chefs on the Food Network rarely use anything but the best ingredients -- freshly caught, freshly bought, and perfectly ripe. So here's the twist: A world-class chef shows up at some random house with a camera crew, and he/she has to make a full meal out of only what the occupants have inside their home at the time! Awesome, right? 

College student with two packets of Top Ramen and stale oatmeal? Lonely bachelor with a fridge full of mountain dew and a pantry lined with macaroni and cheese? Strange kitten with hot dog buns, Lays, and a stick of butter? No task is too great for our Food Network chef! Possible names for the show include, "I'll Have Whatever," "Expiration Notice," or, my personal favorite, "The Pantry Raid."

Bring me the head of the Food Network CEO!

  • The St. Louis Cardinals got back into the NLCS with a game two win over the Milwaukee Brewers. Some of us, who believe in science, would attribute their win to playing better than the other team. Others, including Cards manager Tony La Russa, believe that a squirrel was the catalyst. Taking a page from the Angels' Rally Monkey, the Cardinals have now fully embraced a random squirrel that ran onto the field as their lord and savior, and will be distributing 40,000 "Rally Squirrel" towels and selling $5 stuffed squirrels for game three. La Russa has also invented a backstory for the squirrel involving a sordid love affair with the pet turtle of one of his players. When asked by a fictional reporter if he was stressed out over the pressure and losing his mind, La Russa said, "No, why do you ask?"
  • Red Sox GM Theo Epstein has agreed to join the Chicago Cubs as their new GM and supreme overlord. Because Epstein has one year left on his contract with Boston, the Cubs will have to give the Red Sox some form of compensation in players and/or cash. I'm pretty sure the Red Sox would be fine if Epstein just took Carl Crawford with him.
  • Whatever sadness I feel about the NBA lockout is quickly smoothed over by the thought of Delonte West having a ton of free time to do whatever he wants.
  • Hey, Mariners fans: Adrian Beltre. Doug Fister. Are we all sufficiently depressed now?
  • After starting out the season poorly and lacking team cohesion, the Kansas City Chiefs started playing "Bags" (or "Cornhole" if you're from Indiana) in the locker room, and it's done wonders -- for their morale and their record. As someone who spent many drunken summer afternoons playing "Bags" on the sidewalk in Chicago, I can tell you that the morale boost only lasts when your team is winning. Otherwise it's a game filled with ridicule and mockery. It can tear relationships apart and bring the closest of friends to the brink of homicide. Tread lightly, Kansas City ... tread lightly.

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