Saturday, June 12, 2010

'Twas the night after England

'Twas the night after England, and all through Africa's South,

Not a Brit was still sober, after watching that bout;

The Yanks had come storming back down from a goal,

When Robert Green returns home, he'll need constant patrol;

America had high hopes as they entered Bafokeng,

Would Wayne Rooney escape punishment for his cantankerous slang?;

England struck first, thanks to Steven Gerrard,

Later he'd be lucky to avoid a red card;

But when everything looked to be stacked against us,

Clint Dempsey fired a shot from his boot blunderbuss;

Green had plenty of time to gather the shot,

And if he'd kept focus, the ball surely would've been caught;

But the ball hit his hands, the Americans were in luck,

Slow-motion replays showed Green yelling "Fuck!";

The score was now level at one goal apiece,

At least we weren't forced to watch any more of Greece;

The halftime whistle sent the teams to their lockers,

Fabio Capello began to go off his rocker;

The second half was filled with chances galore,

Ashley Cole and John Terry are equally whores;

All of a sudden, Jozy burst down the left flank,

But his shot hit the post with a thunderous clank;

The tension was mounting as the clock reached climax,

Sometimes I wish I had a home-theatre IMAX;

But I don't so my TV will have to make due,

The final whistle sounded, the Americans had drew!;

They celebrated wildly like they'd gained superpowers,

Too bad most Americans sit in ivory towers;

On Adande, on Smith, on all of ESPN,

Don't cover the great draw, just whine about it being un-American;

But I hold my head high, an American football fan,

At the stout U.S. team and its smart battle plan;

The children nestle down in their warm American beds,

As visions of stanky legs swam deep in their heads;

One day they'll be football stars, rampaging the Cup like Godzilla,

Let's hope by then, FIFA's banned the vuvuzela.

I've got one thing to say, before I finish this write,

Merry World Cup to all, and to all a good night!

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